I have decided that I will save mySelf for marriage. Yes, I am declaring it openly. I want to be the willing and wonderful wife of a willing and wonderful husband. I want to walk down the aisle, or the sand, field, river…whatever…and hold his hand and step into a new beginning. There is still that Innocent within that wants to believe that she too will find love that is beautiful and free. I want to birth another baby and start afresh…
I have had a couple lovers and have come to the unapologetic conclusion that (i) I really am the relationship type, and (ii) lovers don’t really tend to provide that much loving, so I might as well wait for someone I can smile about…a someone who makes me believe in love again, and who looks at me and sees the Beauty-filled Woman that I am…not who i was or who i am trying to be; but the beauty-Full Woman that i already am!
In the meantime I give mySelf to both MySelf and Likkle Miss. I will fall back in love with me again…re-learning all the nooks and crannys that make me fantastically, and unapologetically Me. I want to learn new things about my daughter, and to hear her secrets and her beautiful inner-most thoughts. I want to keep dancing with her and taking evening walks; picking flowers and taking strolls along the beach. I want to keep perfecting mySelf through her, and the brutal honesty of her Truths.
It is fitting that we are moving to the ocean. In a way I feel like a piece of seaglass…Starting out beautiful, but with jagged edges and a sharpness; gently and roughly thrust against stones and amidst the sand; allowing Time to do what only She can…smoothing the edges, and smoothing things out.
As I go through the Saving of Self, I commit to keep reading, laughing, dancing, talking, sharing and growing, even on the days that it hurts. I claim it…I am a beauty-filled Woman; and I am choosing to preserve something for the beauty-filled Man that i choose to walk beside.
I cry happy tears for you and Sade and the man who is relearning and recommiting himSelf to his journey which will one day link with yours.
Beauty-full woman, I salute you and know that at the right time, a beauty-full man deserving of you and you of him, one who loves your daughter as his own, will come into your life. Peace and joy to you.